The Cycle Breaker

No one really talks about being the eldest daughter and having a chronic illness or autoimmunity. But if you know, you know.

Being the eldest daughter is not something that you choose, it’s something that’s chosen for you. And it can be heavy and can mean different things in different households..

But for my eldest daughters, my first-borns in immigrant families, my chronic illness warriors who are breaking generational curses, I want you to know I see you. This blog post goes out to us.

2026 is the year of letting go for me. 

The year of shedding, releasing + emotional healing. Healing my inner child because I believe until you do this, it’s hard to truly physically heal + evolve into the human you’re desiring to become.

But first that comes with awareness of just how much my childhood shaped who I am today and many of the self-limiting beliefs that I have carried into adulthood.

Late 2024 and 2025 showed me how some of my core wounds/beliefs were impacting me in many ways, including my health and business. And truly, it’s all connected. 

But I have historically had such a hard time seeing myself. Seeing how fun, bubbly, goofy, and loving I can be. When you grow up in a chaotic, constantly critical,must put family first no matter what, and egg-shell household, you want nothing more than to be invisible.

I spent the better part of my life wanting to not be seen because every time I was, I was bullied in some way. For being the weird, middle eastern girl in the south with the thick, bushy eyebrows + hairy arms and a big nose… for being unable to please my emotionally broken parents that grew up in a war torn country. I felt like I was stuck between two worlds and didn’t know where I fit in.

And as an empathic, neurodivergent being, my emotions felt so heavy and I didn’t understand why. I struggled to love myself and spent so much time ruminating, spiraling and I truly believed I was the problem.

Because that was the narrative that was always fed to me. I was the scapegoat for all the chaos and all the fighting that would erupt in our household. 

When family members didn’t want to take accountability for their actions, I’d call them out or defend myself or my siblings and I then became the “difficult” and “bad” child. I didn’t know it back then, but with being a projector and a sagittarius, I could spot the phoniness + BS (and the fire sign in me wasn't going to take it). I just had no idea how intuitive I truly was.

I wasn't "difficult". I was the cycle breaker. 

But I stayed busy. I kept my head down, did my school work, made good grades, started working at 15 and I was praised for being a hard worker. I was the one who was always “supposed to” have it all together. I was the one my parents thought “didn’t need help” because I was so “independent + driven”.

Repetitive validation for “working hard” led me to become an overachiever. And not long after I moved away and started college, I began having symptoms (gut issues, brutal periods, constant pelvic pain) that would ultimately lead me to getting diagnosed with endometriosis at 20 years old. I don’t believe that’s a coincidence.

You see, unresolved trauma, parental wounds, feelings that aren’t expressed, living out of alignment, people pleasing + living your life for others are huge contributing factors to chronic illnesses like endometriosis and autoimmunity. The body really does keep the score. 

Trauma and unresolved feelings live in our fascia. Our cells. Our brain. Our nervous system. Our immune system. And our body begins asking (not so nicely) for us to listen in, to heal, + give her the attention/support she needs through symptoms, like the ones that started taking over my life.

I know you’re seeing “nervous system” all over the internet right now. It’s become insanely trendy, but nonetheless it's crucial… because here’s the thing about it..

Addressing your nervous system is foundational to any physical healing. 

Will it cure you? No.

But when your nervous system is nourished, supported + you’re not constantly living in fight or flight or freeze, your digestion is better, your cycles are easier, your pelvic floor relaxes, your liver + lymphatic system are able to detox + drain the way they’re supposed to, you have less inflammation…your body has the environment it needs to heal. And this will help reduce or resolve symptoms.

I fully believe that a lot of these beliefs I’ve held about myself played a role in my endo progressing and ultimately leading me to need endo excision surgery in the last quarter of 2025. 

Self-limiting beliefs can cause a lot of anxiety and stress if you don’t know how to work through them or don’t fully understand what you’re feeling. And I felt it showed up the most in my business, especially when I first started. 

Because when you have a core belief that being invisible is safer, you subconsciously do everything you can to prevent others from seeing you. The real, authentic and truly unfiltered you. 

So you overthink, compare, keep up with the joneses, and strive for perfection to avoid judgement (or getting blasted because OMG some people are so vicious online for NO reason). 

And while that belief has gotten quieter, it is something that still creeps in. 

But that’s exactly why this year is about letting go. And where the cycle stops.

It's where I unlearn these patterns, thoughts, belief systems I developed when I was younger just trying to survive + struggling to understand herself. They are no longer serving me.

Little Rita deserves peace and so does Big Rita, because this world is CRAZY OKAY and the only thing I have control over is myself, how I feel day to day and doing the best I can to be kind to others because we’re all out here living for the first time.

So as of the day after new years, I cut the cord and decided to go no contact with my parents and it was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. I’m still working through a lot of grief and shame around it, especially as they're getting older.

But I am very grateful for my therapist who has been helping remind me that their actions aren’t my fault. I set firm boundaries. Boundaries were broken time after time after time. And now I have to do what’s best for me in this next season so I can grow into the woman I want to become. The woman I DESIRE to be.

And maybe this isn’t forever, but it is for now. I think this is imperative for me as I still navigate being post-op from excision surgery. And bringing my endo symptoms into a remission state.

But one thing I am 1000000000% sure about is allowing people into my life who constantly disrespect me, refuse to take accountability or apologize, and refuse to do the work needed is no longer a fucking option. 

So here’s to 2026 and fully stepping into alignment. To fully seeing myself and letting myself be seen for the loving, kind, passionate, sometimes stubborn, and whimsy af person I am at the core.

If you read all of this, thank you for being here. And if you’re in a similar season and need somewhere safe to land/chat, my DMs are always open! 

I hope this year brings you peace, love + happiness.

XOXO

-Rita